I was reminded of yet another challenge of living with a memory impaired person.
Today was one of those days where all Mom wanted to do was "go home". She would get very agitated when I explained that we were home…that this had been her home for the last seven years. "But I want to go home to my family", she would say. I asked, "What family?". Her response was one I was expecting…"To my Momma and Daddy’s".
Here is where it gets hard…How do you tell someone that their parents died over 20 years ago, when they don’t remember losing them to begin with? How do you retain some sensitivity when you are asked this several times in the same day? It sucks, let me tell you! I’ve tried to avoid Mom today because every time I see her today, this is the line of questioning we go down. I hate to see the hurt in her eyes when I tell her that her Dad has been gone for 30 years and her Mom has been gone for 20 years. I hate to see the tears well up when my words sink in. Then the realization hits me that she’s lost her parents for what seems like the first time about eight times today alone. And I’ve been the bearer of that news, that heartache, that pain. And people wonder why I have so much guilt over caring for my Mother…it seems that no matter what I do, I am causing her pain…not physical pain, but emotional and mental, which can be just as bad as physical.
People have looked at me strangely when I’ve said that I want David to put me in a home and forget about me when I can no longer take care of myself. There is no way that I would knowingly put my darling son through what I have gone through. I’ve talked with friends who have been through similar situations with their parents and they feel the same way I do. Care for someone with an impaired memory is a lot harder than it sounds and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!
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