I’ve never been fond of Thanksgiving. In fact, truth be told, I honestly detest Thanksgiving. What a strange thing to say, huh? Why would ANYONE dislike a holiday that centers about family and being thankful?
It finally hit me last night. I am always really emotional around this time of year. My birthday is coming up…it shares the day Kennedy was asassinated…Oh, there is a happy birthday image for you! Seeing a bullet go through a Presidents head! And may I say, that is the only thing I ever seem to hear about on that particular day! UGH! While Kennedy plays a part in my late-November blues…it is not the biggest part!
My blues center more around Thanksgiving…I hate the food! My Dad’s all-time favorite meal was Thanksgiving dinner and it seemed like we ate that dinner for every holiday and whenever turkey was on sale, or whenever my Dad was hungry for turkey.
But what finally hit me last night, while in the middle of an “ugly cry”, was that what I hated most was the dysfunction of my family…and nowhere was it more apparent than during Thanksgiving. You see, my Mom had a drinking problem. It was like one of those CareUnit commercials where an elephant walked through a family home and everyone did what they could to pretend it wasn’t there. My Dad was a classic enabler and would get crabby and depressed whenever the family was coming over…My brother thinks my Dad was clinically depressed and in retrospect I have to agree! But one Thanksgiving in particular was especially horrendous. My Mom ended up at the emergency room with the back of her head cut open requiring stitches to close it…and it was a direct result of something I did. I remember wishing I was dead…ahhh teen angst!
It dawned on me that was just bubbling under the surface causing apprehension…waiting for some big drama to occur. Hell, I probably have caused drama, in a self-fulfilling prophecy, kind of way in the past as a result. What is it “they” say…the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that you have one?
Hi, my name is Pam, and I come from a dysfunctional family and Thanksgiving is a very hard time of year for me.
Filed under: All About Pam, Holidays
Mom went to the hospital for stitches because of something you did as a teenager? It’s amazing that I don’t remember any of that, but maybe not so amazing after all.