It finally hit me last night.  I am always really emotional around this time of year. My birthday is coming up…it shares the day Kennedy was asassinated…Oh, there is a happy birthday image for you! Seeing a bullet go through a Presidents head!  And may I say, that is the only thing I ever seem to hear about on that particular day! UGH! While Kennedy plays a part in my late-November blues…it is not the biggest part!

My blues center more around Thanksgiving…I hate the food! My Dad’s all-time favorite meal was Thanksgiving dinner and it seemed like we ate that dinner for every holiday and whenever turkey was on sale, or whenever my Dad was hungry for turkey.

But what finally hit me last night, while in the middle of an “ugly cry”, was that what I hated most was the dysfunction of my family…and nowhere was it more apparent than during Thanksgiving. You see, my Mom had a drinking problem. It was like one of those CareUnit commercials where an elephant walked through a family home and everyone did what they could to pretend it wasn’t there. My Dad was a classic enabler and would get crabby and depressed whenever the family was coming over…My brother thinks my Dad was clinically depressed and in retrospect I have to agree! But one Thanksgiving in particular was especially horrendous. My Mom ended up at the emergency room with the back of her head cut open requiring stitches to close it…and it was a direct result of something I did. I remember wishing I was dead…ahhh teen angst!

It dawned on me that was just bubbling under the surface causing apprehension…waiting for some big drama to occur. Hell, I probably have caused drama, in a self-fulfilling prophecy, kind of way in the past as a result.  What is it “they” say…the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that you have one?

Hi, my name is Pam, and I come from a dysfunctional family and Thanksgiving is a very hard time of year for me.

I’m having mixed feelings about it.  Since moving to ND, I just don’t have the photography opportunities I used to, or I don’t have the time. Lately, though, it’s been that I don’t have the inclination.  The thought of selling it all occurred when that massive tax bill hit earlier in the year. At that time it seemed inconceivable…thankfully I didn’t have to sell then. However, since that time I’ve realized that I seem to have lost my passion for it. Well, that and the bills that seem to continue with no end in sight. But who doesn’t have that to deal with?

I wonder how I could have lost something that seemed as important, to me, as breathing. But yet, it’s gone. Maybe instead of being so intent on photographing a “moment” maybe I am doing more to live in that “moment”?  I don’t know? I still have my little point and shoot that goes with me everywhere and fits in my purse. And for now, that is enough. Maybe the passion will return? Maybe not? In any event the technology is ever evolving and will continue to be available should I find that passion once again.

David is back in school, starting 7th grade in about 17 more days.  He has lots of fun planned for the remainder of the Summer, like a week at a sleep-away camp in WA state.  Thanks to his Uncle Po and Aunt Taya!

Brian starts a new schedule at work tomorrow.  They are working 6am – 6pm with a 30minute lunch Mon-Sat! OK, once again, HOLY CRAP! They are so busy at work the boss offered them a $1/hour incentive to get them to go with the new 70+ hour work week. Frankly we could really use the money, so I’m not complaining, perse, but I do worry about Brian. As it is, he is so tired all the time, all he’s going to do now is come home, eat, shower, go to bed.  Which sucks for both of us, but it’s supposed to be temporary. We’ll see…I’m kinda hoping it goes so well that the boss let’s the guys keep the extra dollar an hour.  **keeping fingers crossed**

Rochell is finally getting the house process going.  There was a hold up with the mortgage (loan officer is truth be told), so Mom went another way. So now we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel and it looks like she will be able to get into her new house, next door, before the snow flies. YAY!

I took a bad spill at the grocery store, where I work, last Monday. BADLY sprained my ankle. I don’t know when the last time was that I was in so much pain.  The pain has subsided for the most part, but the range of motion hasn’t.  Stiffness and swelling are still a battle. But I’m getting there.

The Library continues to keep me busy. I’ve wrapped up my first Summer Reading program and there were lots of lessons learned. In fact, tomorrow when I get in, I need to write those lessons up so I remember for next year.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading and reviewing on my book blog.  I love having access to books before they are published, being in on the sneak preview. It’s a blast and I’ve been fortunate to read some really great literature…a couple of stinkers too, but the good is far outweighing the bad! If you want to check it out… www.novelgoddess.com

That’s about it for Mott, North Dakota. Life is different here, not better or worse, just different!

Today is a big date in our lives…not that he can remember it.  Had it not been for a gentle reminder from, I think, his Mother…he wouldn’t have even remembered that this particular date was in the month of May.

Last Thursday he says to me, “Hey, our anniversary is coming up”. I laughed and said, “OK, who reminded you?”. He smiled kind of sheepishly and then started rattling of dates. “Is it the 15th?”. That is his nieces birthday.  “The 30th?”. Wrong again…that’s my Mom’s birthday. “I know it’s the 28th!”…that would be my Dad’s birthday and my parent’s Anniversary. “Try Monday”, I say. “Oh! You know I suck at dates.”…yes, dear, I know.

I don’t hold it against him in any way.  There are just some things you learn after 19 years of wedded bliss…Brian can’t remember dates and he also can not program household electronics! However, put him in front of a quarter million dollar CNC machine and he can program it to build you a house and make a killer cup of coffee.

It has been 19 years married and 22 together and I can honestly say that I love him so much more today than I did the day I married him. We’ve grown into our relationship in a way that only can happen with time and maturity.  And we can still manage to surprise each other once in a while…like he did me the other night…but that’s a story for a different day.

To my darling hubby, Bri-guy, thank you for our life, thank you for your unconditional love, you are truly a wonderful guy and I thank God for you every day. Here is to at least 19 more years. I love you!

My prom was May 17th, 1985…many, many years ago. My prom was held at the Beverly Hills Hotel, it was for seniors and their date, and it was a dinner and dance. There was no official after party. My friends and I rented a limo and cruised around Hollywood till dawn.

Prom in Mott is very different…the prom was in the gym. The Junior class along with parents host and decorate the gym for the prom. The prom is for the Juniors and Seniors and their dates…lots of freshman and sophomores go as dates. Practically the whole town shows up prior to the dance to see the attendees parade through the gym in their formal wear. The same people who put on the Prom also host an after-party.

It’s interesting how the proximity to hotels and convention centers changes the Prom options.  The prom that occurs in Mott is more like the proms I always heard of via books and television but it wasn’t my personal experience.  What I see here in Mott is probably more the “norm” with the vast majority of the country, and honestly it amazes me what the kids and parents here in Mott are able to accomplish. I’m thinking that I would rather have had my prom here…but that’s all water under the bridge as they say.

David will be in High School sooner rather than later and I will be looking forward to prom season when the time does come.

Had a colonoscopy yesterday! My first! The doc, before the procedure, asked why I had requested this procedure when I was so young.  Easy answer! When there is colon cancer on both sides of your family you want to be diligent and if nothing else it’s good to have a baseline to compare against in the future.

So many talk about the prep for a colonoscopy! Not pleasant! Though not as bad as what my Mom had to go through.  Mom, the day before her procedure, had to drink a GALLON of this stuff called…get this…”Go Lightly”…there was nothing, NOTHING, remotely “light” out the effect this gallon of laxative had on a person’s digestive system!  Apparently, Go Lightly, managed to do a number on the electrolyte levels of people so they changed the prep.

I had to go on a clear liquid diet for two day prior to my procedure. Once each day I had to drink 10 ounces of Magnesium Citrate to help clean me out.  The hardest part of the whole thing was watching TV during the 2 days of clear liquids…all those friggin food commercials while I nurse my big mug of beef broth was MURDER!!

The procedure, it self, was a cake walk especially compared to some other procedures I’d been through. And I was THRILLED to find out that my colon was completely clean and clear…no lumps, no bumps, no nothing! YAY!

Can I say that was a huge relief!  I kind of felt the weight of family history hanging over my head and really wanted to ignore it in the hopes it would go away…but I put on (then took off) my “big girl” panties and got it done and I’m so glad I did!

Porter, it’s your turn!

Good Reads is where I keep track of what I read, what books I have, what books I want to read, and just about anything and everything else related to reading. You can read reviews by other members. They also have tons of book giveaways. I have good girlfriends, like Kristy, on there with me. We trade recommendations and are in a friendly competition to see who is going to read more books this year. I’ve also made friends with some of the authors I enjoy reading and chat with them as well as trade recommendations, etc.

It’s such a fun site for me. I find I am spending more and more time on the site and my book lists are growing exponentially.  If you are looking for some good reads…head on over and make sure you friend me so we can trade books and recommendations.

I went to bed after I posted on this blog the last time and slept straight through til the alarm went off at 7am this morning.

Granted I hadn’t felt great on Saturday, maybe I had a bug after all? The dogs did wake me up once Sunday morning to go outside… But I was too dizzy to take them and no I hadn’t been drinking. They woke me up last night too and I was fine. But DAMN thats a weird feeling to know I went to bed very early Sunday morning and woke up Monday morning about 36 hours later…NEVER done that before!

I went to Bismarck yesterday. On the way there I listened to a talk show program, but on the way home I was listening to an 80′s station.  For the hour and a half ride home, memories washed over me while I sang along with the music.

Eurythmics reminded me of sitting on a friends porch listening to that album on cassette from a mini-boombox, along with Men At Work and Def Leppard.  U2 reminded me of going to the Coliseum in LA to watch them during The Joshua Tree tour.  Depeche Mode reminded me of all those hours spent riding buses between North Hollywood High and the LA Zoo while listening to a dear friend just butcher the lyrics and laughing hysterically at his version of the song. Bob Seeger reminds me of hanging out with the 30+ aged crowd,from work, at a bar, and being served at 19 because the waitress assumed I was over 21. Poison was the musical backdrop for fond memories of Julie and I riding in Michelle Hunter’s Pinto down the back road of Pierce College and hitting that dip just right and being airborne, turning around and doing it again…it’s a wonder we survived it!

Yes, there are certain scents that bring a flood of memories, but music is more likely to transport me back in time.

(Keith, still love and miss you terribly but think of you whenever I hear Depeche Mode or Prince – I still can’t believe you are gone)

I LOVE watching the Olympics…I love all the fluff stories of the athletes, the hosting city, the hosting culture, the whole she-bang.  I especially love the Winter Olympics.  There are less events, but I really enjoy watching all of them…yes, even curling.  Gotta love the Norwegian curling pants…red, white and blue argyle! WOW, they stood out. I don’t recall ever watching as much Olympic coverage as I did this year…much to Brian and David’s chagrin! LOL – we are talking 16 days out of every 2 years, they will live.

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada put on quite an Olympic show.  The performances and contests were beautiful…no hints of cheating/doping scandals, it seemed that everyone put forward their best foot, and it was such a joy to watch.

I’m sad it is over…it’s such a let down after all the pomp and circumstance. Two years until the London Olympics and four years until the Socchi.ru Olympics…I still want to get to a Winter Olympics before I die. Maybe I can combine my loves of Russia and Winter Olympics and hit the 2014 games. Only time will tell.