Every month, as the librarian, I contribute a short article for an insert that goes into our weekly newspaper. The gal who organizes and puts together that insert is named Deb.  Usually when Deb sends me the reminder email, I drop what I am doing to get it done lest I forget.  However, the email for the February article came really early in January (1/11) and wasn’t actually due back to Deb until Monday (1/23)…since I had a lot going on when the email came I left it in my inbox thinking I would work on it my next day in the Library.  Guess what…I forgot.

So Tuesday, I got a couple of voicemails from Deb asking if I’d sent my article cuz if I had, she couldn’t find it.

Tuesday was one of those days that felt like a Monday…everything I touched was turning to shit!  And I had expressed to a couple of people earlier in the morning that I needed to have my head extricated from my ass and get it together.

I called Deb back apologizing, telling her I’d head into the library, write my article and get it to her within a half hour. I also informed her that I’d made an appointment with a surgeon to have a “Rectal-Cranial Inversion” so I could get my shit together and be on the ball.

After I emailed Deb my article, the following exchange took place via email:

Deb:  thanks Pam,   The very best of luck with your surgical procedure.  Deb

Me:  Thank you…thankfully it’s an outpatient procedure with local anesthetic

Deb: It must be a groundbreaking procedure because although I’ve been afflicted with the disease many times, no one has ever suggested this solution.

Me: Ya…it’s quick and easy…just in and out!

Deb: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Out loud!!!!

Ok I’m going back to work. Have a better day!

So today I am back in the library, working away, when in comes a delivery (see pic above) with a note that says

     “Best Wishes on Your Rectal-Cranial Inversion Surgery”

I knew exactly who it was from! I laughed so hard I think I piddled in my pants a little bit and had to share my reaction!  Oh My God…Deb, I so owe ya one!

When David got in the car I told him “They Killed Kenny! The Bastards!” …he laughed! So I told him the story of South Park.

It all started when a Fox Exec contact Trey Parker and Matt Stone to do a video Christmas Card for the Exec to send out.  That 5 minute video, while terribly offensive to anyone and everyone, went nuts!  This was back in 1995 before you tube. Porter’s girlfriend at the time, was in animation and was able to get a copy and bring it to Christmas the year after South Park debuted on Comedy Central in 1997.

I have to say it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.  And to picture someone in Hollywood, sending that out to associates was, in my mind, pretty ballsy!

So in honor of Wendy, I give you “The Spirit of Christmas” South Park style:

It finally hit me last night.  I am always really emotional around this time of year. My birthday is coming up…it shares the day Kennedy was asassinated…Oh, there is a happy birthday image for you! Seeing a bullet go through a Presidents head!  And may I say, that is the only thing I ever seem to hear about on that particular day! UGH! While Kennedy plays a part in my late-November blues…it is not the biggest part!

My blues center more around Thanksgiving…I hate the food! My Dad’s all-time favorite meal was Thanksgiving dinner and it seemed like we ate that dinner for every holiday and whenever turkey was on sale, or whenever my Dad was hungry for turkey.

But what finally hit me last night, while in the middle of an “ugly cry”, was that what I hated most was the dysfunction of my family…and nowhere was it more apparent than during Thanksgiving. You see, my Mom had a drinking problem. It was like one of those CareUnit commercials where an elephant walked through a family home and everyone did what they could to pretend it wasn’t there. My Dad was a classic enabler and would get crabby and depressed whenever the family was coming over…My brother thinks my Dad was clinically depressed and in retrospect I have to agree! But one Thanksgiving in particular was especially horrendous. My Mom ended up at the emergency room with the back of her head cut open requiring stitches to close it…and it was a direct result of something I did. I remember wishing I was dead…ahhh teen angst!

It dawned on me that was just bubbling under the surface causing apprehension…waiting for some big drama to occur. Hell, I probably have caused drama, in a self-fulfilling prophecy, kind of way in the past as a result.  What is it “they” say…the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that you have one?

Hi, my name is Pam, and I come from a dysfunctional family and Thanksgiving is a very hard time of year for me.

I’m having mixed feelings about it.  Since moving to ND, I just don’t have the photography opportunities I used to, or I don’t have the time. Lately, though, it’s been that I don’t have the inclination.  The thought of selling it all occurred when that massive tax bill hit earlier in the year. At that time it seemed inconceivable…thankfully I didn’t have to sell then. However, since that time I’ve realized that I seem to have lost my passion for it. Well, that and the bills that seem to continue with no end in sight. But who doesn’t have that to deal with?

I wonder how I could have lost something that seemed as important, to me, as breathing. But yet, it’s gone. Maybe instead of being so intent on photographing a “moment” maybe I am doing more to live in that “moment”?  I don’t know? I still have my little point and shoot that goes with me everywhere and fits in my purse. And for now, that is enough. Maybe the passion will return? Maybe not? In any event the technology is ever evolving and will continue to be available should I find that passion once again.

Me: Out

AP: Where?

Me: errands

AP: Did they go for an early lunch?

Me: No, errands

AP: Well, when will they be back?

Me: When they are done or, I assume, after lunch, whichever comes first.

AP: When is that?

Me: When is what?

AP: When will they be back from lunch?

Me: Normally 1:00

AP: But I need them now!

Me: Well if it’s an emergency I’m sure I can track someone down, what is the problem?

AP: UGH! (turns and leaves).

I’m so sorry the person you are looking for is not immediately available to you. However, unless I am told otherwise, I will continue to be vague about their whereabouts and no I will not give out their cell phone number.  You really don’t have to know where everyone is at this second, nor what they are doing…Some things are just none of your business. Deal with it.

OK, rant over!

Thankful?!?  I have tons to be thankful for! I’m thankful I have this job as librarian! I think I have mentioned once or twice how much I love this job.  I’m very thankful for my family, especially the one I married into! They surround us, here in Mott, and they are the epitome of unconditional love! And I am blessed with some truly phenomenal friends, most are out of state, but thanks to social networks like facebook, they are within my daily reach.

There is one friend in particular I would like to focus on. My girl Kristy Z. We met in Las Vegas…introduced to each other by a mutual friend. Kristy and I hit it off. We spent a lot of time together in Vegas, hanging out like girlfriends do, and many, many, many hours scrapbooking late into the night sharing our joys and our challenges.  Leaving Las Vegas was harder because of Kristy.  Kristy has since moved to Colorado with her family.

I think since moving, Kristy and I have become even closer…and it’s because of our shared love of reading. We discovered once all our scrapbook stuff was packed away we both loved reading. Then we discovered we both loved reading the same genres and authors!  She and I have our own little book club for two! Finding and sharing new titles and authors, and discussing the book we just finished. Now we spend postage shipping each other books (it’s cheaper than both of us buying them!)…now, our “book club” is expanding to include Kim, Kristy’s sister.  I love and am so thankful for Kristy’s friendship, I don’t know what I would ever do without her!

In honor of my girl Kristy, I’m going to spotlight a couple of series she enjoyed that we have here in the library. Have a wonderful November and try to find something to be thankful for every day…it will bring a smile to your face, I guarantee it.

Beautiful Creatures & Beautiful Darkness (Caster Chronicles) by Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl – Lena Duchannes is unlike anyone in the small, Southern town of Gatlin. She has powers she is struggling to conceal. Ethan Wate has been counting the days until he turns 18 and can leave Gatlin…that is until Lena moves to town. He is mysteriously drawn to her. She harbors a secret that could change Ethan’s life or will it destroy him?

Shiver, Linger, and Forever (The Wolves of Mercy Falls) by Maggie Steifvater – Grace and Sam share a kinship so close they could be lovers or siblings. But they also share a problem. When the temperature slips close to freezing, Sam reverts to his wolf identity and must retreat into the woods to protect his pack. Sam worries that eventually his human side will fade away and he will left howling at a lonely moon.

Love ya Girl!!!!

Many have wondered…few know.

Imagine if you will…it’s your first day on the job as a clerk in the “variety” section of the local grocery store. Having only ever shopped there before, I was not completely familiar with what all we carried and where it was on the shelves. A “gentleman”, and I use that term loosely, came up to me and proceeded to rip me up one side and down the other because there was none of his beloved $1.05 toilet paper packs on the shelf. Having had a great deal of customer service experience I smile and explain that I would be happy to see if we have any stashed somewhere…We didn’t. When I told the man that we were completely out, I was belittled and berated yet again. I smiled and explained that I was sorry he felt the way he did and that I would let the lady who does the ordering for the variety side know how unhappy he was. When I did, she rolled her eyes. She was much more familiar with this “gentleman” than I was. I related the story to Brian that night, and he has referred to this guy as “$1.05 TP Man” ever since…we didn’t know his actual name…and it kind of stuck.

Fast forward many months and I am in my post as librarian. The library is attached to city hall and sometimes I am privvy to some of the goings on there. One case in particular stands out. It’s the case of a female resident coming in asking for help with a neighbor. This neighbor of her’s is making her life miserable. Bitches at her about where she parks, bitches about her dogs, you name it, he bitches about it.  I’d always felt so bad for this resident because of what this guy puts her through.

Fast forward to this week, Monday, and into City Hall walks $1.05 Toilet Paper Man. He’s pitching a fit over his neighbor…yep, you guessed it, the lady I spoke about above. Suddenly it was like the clouds parted, the sun’s rays broke through, and a choir of angels could be heard above…it all became so painfully clear.  Now I felt even worse for the lady I mentioned above! I can honestly say that if he was my neighbor some one would end up dead and it would be a crap shoot as to who it was…me or him.

But wait, it gets better. $1.05, on Tuesday, walked into the grocery store and bitched at the owner’s Mother! About how she was trying to steal from him and screw him over because she made a keystroke error when she had checked him out earlier.  Yea, we don’t have a barcode scanner, we key the amounts into the cash register manually.  The owner’s Mom, kicked $1.05′s ass out of the store! YEA!  But it didn’t last long. $1.05 called the owner and whined and complained about how he needed some place to buy his groceries, etc. And the owner caved and told him he could come back provided he doesn’t speak to the employees…just comes in, gets his stuff and leaves. I wish good ol’ $1.05 had to find some where else to shop! It would serve him right for being such a nasty individual. Oh well, what can you do?

Manscaping: verb:

A term used to define male grooming below the belt.   A male can use both an electric razor or a regular razor. A Mach 3 is preferable with the ladies on the testicular area. No female likes to deal with hairy balls, so men must education themselves on proper manscaping and maintenance techniques

This is a term I became familiar with via “Sex in the City“. It’s the male version of taking care of the “bikini area” for us females.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think Manscaping had made it to Mott, ND.  I thought it was one of the “Metrosexual” tendencies that you usually find in huge metropolitan area…I was wrong!

Not only is it in Mott, ND, it is in the locker of the Mott/Regent High School!

So ladies, guard your razors cuz you might be fighting your sons for them…ROFL!

Brian had left to take David to daycare. So I turned on the Today show. I was met by a rerun of the second plane hitting the south tower.  I watched in shock and amazement as clouds of smoke billowed out of both towers. My Mom called to see if I was watching the news. Her comment, “The world as we know it, is ending”…how right she was. I watched as both towers crumbled to the ground. I dressed and went to get David from daycare. I needed him with me…something to ground me.

I couldn’t watch TV. I couldn’t be reminded. I couldn’t fall back into the well of desperation I was already trying to climb out of.

I could pray. For peace. For strength. For all the loved ones of all the lost.

10 years have passed. In the blink of an eye. Still the loss persists. The pain too.

Still I pay for peace. For strength. For all the loved ones of all the lost.

1/3 Cup Lime Juice

1/4 Cup Tequila

1 tablespoon minced Garlic

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

Combine the liquids and garlic in a ziplock bag. Add the chicken. Marinate in the refrigerator 2-6 hours. Grill until done.